"I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." --Hosea 2:14

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fifty and, ummmm....FABULOUS?????

Today this little girl turns 50 years old. I remember when I was 30 years old, my favorite Aunt died...she was 49 years old. I remember thinking right then, that I would not live to see my 50th Birthday and here it is. One day, a few years ago, I said to my husband, "I just have this feeling that I'm going to die young." His response was, "Well, Lindy...look on the bright side, NOW you'll die 'middle aged'"!
So, I made it to 50 after all! This year has had it's bumps with 2 surgeries, 3 hospital stays, but with God's grace and LOTS of people praying for me, I now am the age that I TRULY did NOT think I'd make. So, now what?!?!? NOW, I stop living in fear! NOW I embrace who I am, and who God intended me to be! I refuse to kick myself, for waiting so long to do this. I want to live my life in God's grace...stop wearing a mask pretending to be someone else! Be one of those woman who embraces her middle age....grey hairs and all! I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not.
My mom was a beautiful woman. Truly, she was very attractive and did some modeling, made a few commercials etc. Most of my life I felt that she didn't think I was attractive...she would say thinks like, "You still have those damn sad eyes"...or,"I hate your hair like that"! As you can imagine, this really affected me really my whole life and I have really STRUGGLED with vanity, and I'm pretty sure that's the reason. Don't get me wrong, my mother was NOT a bad person...I loved her and she loved me...but, she was not the "model" mother, just like I wasn't the "model" mother. She did the best that she knew how. I don't even know why I am writing all this!! Oh yeah! My beautiful mother was always dying her hair. Seriously, we NEVER knew what color hair Mom would have! She was a brunette, blond, redhead, frosted...you name it! One year I went to visit and her hair was salt and pepper! NATURAL!! SHE WAS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL... I LOVED IT!! She looked like a MOM and not a sister! That's when I told myself that when/if I reach 'middle age status', I'm going to try to do it with grace and not mess with how God created me! After all...God doesn't make junk! I thought the age of 50 would be a good time to do this...but, after my surgeries this past year and me not getting to the Hairdressers, the greys are all ready there and I'm keeping them! The funny thing is how other people, mostly women, stare at my head! Or, say things like, "You're too young to go grey!"
My reply is that I really, REALLY, REEEALLY want to start embracing the woman that GOD intended me to me!! NOT who society says I should be! Maybe it's true that when you reach a certain age, you just get tired 'playing the game'. It's so silly to play the game anyways! All you end up with is regret. My intimate relationship with Christ has played a HUGE part in this, I know! God doesn't make junk! I'm PERFECT just the way I am! "I am my beloved's and his desire is for me"! (Song of Songs 7:10) The Holy Spirit is urging me to stop being who I'm not! TRUST HIM...I'm good the way I am!! With HIS grace he wants to make me BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE...THEN...I'll be beautiful on the outside!! When my face and attitude SHINES IN HIS LOVE!! I am PERFECTION in His eyes!


TLW said...

Happy Birthday Lindy! God's blessings on your special day!

Patricia said...

Happy Birthday, "fabulous" Lindy!
Hope you had a most joyful celebration. I enjoyed your comments about not being afraid to show yourself just as God made you. Good for you!

Hmm, I wonder how old we will be in heaven.

PS I remember as a child hearing my mom on the phone with a friend talking about how she didn't think she would ever live to old age -- her mom died at 42. Well, my mom died just 3 weeks short of her 94th birthday! God is full of surprises : )

Jackie Parkes MJ said...

Great post for leading the way for this 48 year old!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, I was 51 last month and I know exactly what you mean about reaching that age, my Mum died at 49 and my father at 56, but my older sisters are 61 and 60 and we are all ageing gracefully. :)

Anne said...

Beautiful post! Happy belated birthday! I really enjoy the music on your blog, too.

Caitlynne Grace said...

I smiled wistfully as I read this. When will that day come, when I no longer wince over how I look? When can I grin at the reflection in the mirror that has 3 chins going on 4, and an ever widening neck?

Someday, someday, someday...


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